Death approaches.

I witness it
close the distance
between us,
accelerating the inevitable
after we failed to secure
our first date.

I’m not the good guy,
I don’t meet the criteria
of bad either.

The unknown settles my fate
as questions
on what will follow linger.

I like the attention,
flattered that the afterlife
finds me attractive.

I entice it with my behavior,
wearing the most revealing
outfit that shows off my best asset.

I shouldn’t be leading it on;
acting like I’m interested
then backing out
at the last minute.

Some may call this selfish,
saying I should be responsible
for any consequences
because I’m the one that did it.

It has an appearance
that’s irresistible,
I found myself
giving in to the persuasion.

Seduced by its mysteries,
my current relationship
is on the verge
of break up,
and secretely,
I’m looking forward
to the occasion.

I was blessed with the ability to preach the word,
but I was never an evangelist.

Actively engaged in promoting social change,
but my methods are not safe enough
to be considered an activist.

I take heed to advice,
but I respond negatively
when someone tries to breach this establishment.

So then they labeled me with “rage mismanagement,”
with claims that I can’t handle it
because my emotions are one of my disadvantages.

Unable to compensate for the damages,
I guess it repeatedly caused issues.
Words cocked back into verbal pistols,
Ready to unleash rounds of built-up stress
and confused thoughts onto anything that bristled.

This isn’t just some random tantrum
that I’m supposed to sit through;
it’s something I can’t bear for too long.

You are addressing someone
who has been overly manipulated,
so I don’t care for too long.

People will always try to get over on you.
I know—I have been aware for too long.

Now, I have a mean mug so vicious
that the sun is even advised
not to stare for too long.

Come test me if you feel lucky.

I will tap into the other side of the spectrum
and expose you to a pain
that no living organism needs to witness—trust me.

This isn’t just a fluctuation of feelings
that is supposed to come out as funny…

I say prayers over this.

I established a solid foundation of suffering from my childhood,
so I have to put layers over it.

And now I never get scared over shit,
so it initiates my hormones to bring out the danger.

A few skeletons are in my closet,
and I will never remove them from the hanger.

I take a look at the person that I used to be;
I now recognize that individual as a stranger
with blood elevating from the bottom of my feet
at 212 degrees
as I struggle to keep down the anger.

If you reduce the heat,
then I can put a lid over my boiling pot
because I have a demon
that’s starving for attention,
and momentarily I am going to spoil him rotten.

You continue to push my buttons,
thinking that this is something of nothing,
but deep down,
you will find out that it’s not,
if you go around trying to pull people’s trigger,
eventually there’s a chance you are going to get shot…

Our paths crossed.

We intercepted years of history,
bonding us as natural-born enemies for unknown reasons.

Our past’s lost,

Memories of torture,
hatred,
and similar emotions
penetrate history to create permanent lesions.

Our last thoughts,

Compromised brain matter
attempts to compute the actions of man
and interprets the meanings.

We pass faults.

Justice is never reprimanded through man,
so apparently Martin Luther King is still dreaming.

I fail to conceptualize a life
where ethnicities no longer have to endure suffering.

As a race we were promised freedom,
the pursuit of happiness,
and everything in between,
but it seems it’s still buffering.

People believe hundreds of years of captivity and present, discriminatory activity
are not indicating factors of prejudice actions
being struck again.
It’s apparent we have yet to advance as a species
because ill intensions are being dealt,
giving no indication of when the bad luck would end.

Help me to understand
how the amount of melanin of the skin
determines who is more superior to whom.

Instead of being in competition,
we should advance ourselves from within,
otherwise we’ll be complacent to our doom.

It seems we have difficulties seeing the equality of all species, an issue that needs to quickly improve.

Because on our day of judgment,
our actions toward one another
will be the solitary evidence
that will make the court adjourn
before we set foot in the room.

Racism still exists if people are unaware that they’re racist.
It is ignorant hatred
applied toward different colors of faces.
We were told that we shouldn’t look the same,
so we were split up by nations,
But people are historically oblivious to the basics.

Centuries later,
history has been removed from our valued concept
of knowledge
when they lead you toward psychological prisons
because it would be historically incorrect
for you to go to college.

It’s astounding we are still being transported
by chains years after slavery has been abolished.

We are physically “free”,
but it’s our one-dimensional thought process
that’s being held hostage.
We bring in children,
and they are stuck in the same cycle of being led to coffins.

Our image is wrongly told,
and we are being computed by the wrong messages too often.

So when we encounter outsiders,
they misinterpret our intent
because they make up their own assumptions
of what we mean when we’re talking,
Then generalize us to live a lifestyle we may not be involved in.

Simply because of the color of our skin.

Please don’t take this personally or thoroughly to heart,
But
I hate you.

And I would rather not play the blame game
or point fingers at who tore whom apart.

I just miss you an irritating amount
that I’m sure will be alleviated as time inflates.

I constantly make these illogical attempts
to locate you in my memory and press erase,
But every time I try,
a new connection is formed and takes its place,
Resurfacing your face,
An obnoxious amount that leaves me in my present state.

I entertain the thought that maybe I’m doomed,
and you were the one that got away.
But I also acknowledge that billions of people
are on the planet,
and someone out there could be just as great.

Part of me doesn’t want to invest the time
because I was satisfied with how we played.
So maybe in the end,
we were meant to be delayed.

But you tell me.
I lost touch with who you are.
I wasn’t totally as honest as I could have been
or as I was in the start.

I mean…
You weren’t either,

But it’s nothing we can’t restart
Because at this point,
I may be willing to forgive any hurt in my heart.

I search and wait,
hopefully for a subtle sign
or a light bulb of some sort
that could tell me we would be just fine.

I guess I’m being silly.
I must be completely out of my mind
because realistically speaking,
I can’t count how many times
I’ve attempted to reconnect for the sake of our minds,

or maybe
just mine.

I can take the hint,
But I struggle to solve the rhyme
because no one told me
when you fell in love,
you would be eventually forced to climb.

Why do I proceed to make a fool out of myself with persistence?
My success appears to be locked behind my potential,
perhaps serving a life sentence.
I have the tendency to convince myself
that positive outcomes will arise at any instant.
Maybe the results I was looking for would appear
if I remained consistent?

I guess I will never get the shipment.

I don’t believe in happily ever after.
I acknowledge recognizing its possibility would make the process go faster,
But so far it has been a concept
I have unsuccessfully mastered,
Repetitious disasters.

Stuck between failure and motivation.
Fully competent of what I can offer,
I demand a lesson from life
because I’m too impatient.
I often have difficulty trying to convey this,
Because you can say the message word for word
but it never comes out the way you plan to say it.

Especially to those whom the words are spoken to.
We are often rushed into commitments
by people with agendas,
Which we are forced to get accustomed to.

We say our vows and become enslaved.
Prisoners to those who set their ways,
Obligating us to follow suit,
but we never get it tailored when it’s made.

Where is the freedom in that?
How many times will we accept concepts of destiny
and give in without examining the facts?

Just to have fake smiles across our faces.
We constantly give our all for it to go unnoticed,
so we accept where our insecurities will take us.
Expressing emotions and feelings that originate from forsaken places,
It’s hard to accept that damaging relationships
are a part of life’s homeostasis.

Sometimes I would rather end my own life
than to continue living in it with you.
Is this due to my lack of health,
or is it a testatant to how I’ve been living with you?
The situation didn’t improve
and was so horrendous that I would rather end it than use
another day suffering the conditions of you.

I rescind the forgiveness I gave to you.
Darkness orbits my conscious
and part of me hope’s the same for you.
I hate you.
Hate is used as synonym for unicorns and rainbows
Because it doesn’t entirely convey my disdain for you.

I’m haunted.
My brain chemistry has been altered to experience the part of the world the human psyche was designed not to witness.
I don’t want this.
I’m having battles in different dimensions just to keep my soul from becoming a victim.

This is farther from physical pain.
Gravity squeezes my nervous system
As I pop synthetic prayers to keep my flesh from becoming a stain.

I see things are good where you are.
You couldn’t possibly equate to this.
Trauma always leaves the biggest scar,
So you’re coming with me because no other passengers deserve to take the trip.

Buckle up.

Words can express the way I feel,
That’s what poets do.
I get the feeling you knew something like this would happen, conversing with God about being one of the chosen few,
I wanna know the truth.
You left, didn’t pack, no goodbyes, or warnings,
What were we supposed to do.
Honored and humbled that I was able to experience your spirit and have the opportunity to get close to you,
But I don’t know what to do.

Broken links never mold into chains again.
Once your energy left. I knew we would never be the same again.
Odds were against us throughout our entire journey, but through our connection we were able to reign within.
So essentially, you never left
You just separated mind from body,
And connected your everlasting spirit to aide us and protect our names from sin.

I recognize you were called home for a higher purpose.
I question God directly.
Because I know you became the soldier you knew you had the potential to be,
I just pray it was all worth it.
It hurts, shit,
No one was prepared for your departure.
My eyes boil over as I shuffle through cached memories from when we first met, to the day you cited your vows at the alter.

I would selfishly break into the gates of heaven to steal your soul and return you home if i had the chance to.
You were my brother, my Ace, my link, you were also my friend too.
You were there for us whenever you were needed,
No questions,
Even if you couldn’t stand to.
But now you integrated your soul into the higher workings of God, and you have been instructed have to watch over us,
Even if you didn’t plan to.